Connie Boss Alexander is reflecting on life without her son Stephen "tWitch" Boss.
Six months after the Ellen DeGeneres Show DJ and co-executive producer died by suicide, his mom opened up about her grief and her optimism that she'll be reunited with her son.
"This is not totally the end," Connie told People in an interview published June 28. "That is where my peace comes from."
She also said, "When I think about him, I try not to dwell on how he left this earth."
And Connie, 59, admitted that she's still grappling with Stephen's sudden death in December at age 40.
"You find yourself in a lot of introspection, a lot of looking back," she noted. "Did I miss something? Did he mean something when he said this? It was just very, very shocking. I don't know when or if I'll ever accept it. At this point, I'm in realization, I guess. When I wake up in the morning, it does hit me that, oh my God, he really is not physically here. But then in my head I can hear him say, 'Hey, Mom. I'm okay.'"
Recalling her already-close relationship with Stephen, Connie explained that the bond only grew when the So You Think You Can Dance—who shared kids Weslie, 15, Maddox, 7, and Zaia, 3, with wife Allison Holker—became a parent.
"As an adult, I think he really was able to see and appreciate some of the challenges I had as a young parent," said Connie, who gave birth to Stephen at age 18. "And we talked about those things. I'm the classic boy mom, very protective. If we weren't talking every day, we were texting. He was my heart."
In the months since Stephen's death, Connie has occasionally used social media to pay tribute.
"I thank God for the technology of this time," she wrote on Instagram in January, alongside photos of him from over the years. "With the click of a key, we can see your face, that smile and hear your voice but what I truly treasure is the images and memories of you, our Stephen, in your favorite role of husband and father. The essence of your light and love resides in your family and we will do all we can to epitomize your spirit every single day."
On Father's Day earlier this month, Connie honored her son again, sharing images of him with his children.
"Dwelling on sweet memories, knowing how different and hard today is for your babies..." she wrote. "I pray they felt your presence today and God wrapped them in peace. Happy Heavenly Father's Day son...as a family we will always strive to ensure Wes, Maddox and Zaia know they are your greatest joy, blessings and legacy. So many precious moments with your loves."