Christine Tran Ferguson is facing an unimaginable loss.
The Tour de Lust influencer shared that her son Asher, who she welcomed with husband Ryan Ferguson, died following a fight "for his life in the ICU" two weeks ago. He was 15 months old.
"My heart is utterly broken and shattered into a million pieces," Christine captioned an Instagram carousel July 20. "I will never understand why, nothing makes sense, I'm still in shock, I just want to wake up from this unimaginable nightmare and have you back in my arms. Why is this happening to us, why Asher?? You did not deserve any of this."
Christine, who has not shared a cause of death, said Asher's passing was "the hardest experience mommy and daddy has ever had to endure."
"Everyday has been torture without you, this pain is unbearable," said Christine, who often shared pictures of her family life with Asher. "I still feel like you're going to reappear but our home is so quiet and empty without you. Part of me has died with you. I'm so heartbroken, with no idea how to live a life without you."
The 37-year-old recalled her memories of Asher, calling him the "smartest & happiest little boy I've ever known" who "made our family complete."
"You were going to do amazing things and change the world I just know it," she continued. "I miss your little laughs, the way you stick out your tongue when you giggled, the way you picked up your food with your tiny chubby fingers, your little dance moves, how you clapped your hands, your little feet kicking a ball, the way you grab the hockey or golf sticks for dada, you just always knew how to make everyone smile."
Since Asher's passing, Christine said they haven't moved any of his belongings, adding, "Your room is empty, your stuff untouched."
"I'm so sorry you had to go through this!!" she wrote. "I would give anything to take your place, to go back in time. I still can't believe you're gone, why did you have to go so soon?? We had a future as a family I constantly think about & it's just gone. I miss running my hands through all your hair, biting your chubby little feet, but most of all I ache for your hugs and kisses so much!! I pray I get to see you in my dreams every night. I just want you back so badly, but you're never coming home and it's killing me."
She concluded her heartbreaking post with a message to her followers, noting that she's appreciative of their support.
"I see all the messages and even though I'm not able to get through them all right now I know how loved Asher was by all of you," Christine said. "Thank you for all the overwhelming love and support. He brought us all so much joy and happiness everyday. I just ask for privacy during this difficult time as we're still in shock and still have no answers to this unbearable nightmare."