Christine Tran Ferguson is opening up about her grief following the death of her baby boy.
Nearly one month after the Tour de Lust founder shared that her and husband Ryan Ferguson's 14-month-old son Asher had died, she posted a heartbreaking reflection about loss and her vow to keep his memory alive.
"We should be preparing our trip to Italy next week," Christine wrote on Instagram Aug. 16, alongside photos of herself, Ryan and Asher. "Instead I'm looking at these photos from our first family vacation almost exactly a year ago at 4 months old. We had plans to show Asher where mommy and daddy got married in Positano and then explore Tuscany, a new area together as a family."
The influencer then shared a message to her late son.
"I miss these memories, I miss you, I wanted new memories with you," she continued. "I wish you are here with us every second of every day. It hurts so much, this pain will never go away! I never knew such pain could even exist! Our lives were perfect, normal… until it wasn't."
Reflecting on the time that has passed since Asher's death, Christine continued, "I can't believe its been over a month since we last held you in our arms, kissed you, smelled you, hearing your little laugh, your little walk. I want it all back so badly! I'm forever heartbroken, forever changed. 14 months with you was not long enough. I thought I had forever, we had so many plans for the future and it's just gone."
The 37-year-old, who has not shared his cause of death, went on to express her hopes for the future.
"I pray and pray we find the strength to carry you with us," Christine concluded her heartbreaking message. "Its so hard, incredibly hard. For now, we cherish these memories we had with you forever. Mommy & Daddy can't wait to be with you again. #forever14months."
Followers rushed to the comments section to share their heartbreak for Christine, with one user sharing, "I can't hold back the tears. I dont know you but I wish I could give you the biggest hug and tell you that you will one day hold your baby boy again," Added another, "I think about you and your beautiful boy every day. I'm so deeply sorry this happened to you, your pain is uninmaginable. Sending you love & light always, just know that Asher is so loved."
Back on July 20, Christine shared the tragic news of Asher's death, after having fought "for his life in the ICU" two weeks prior.
"My heart is utterly broken and shattered into a million pieces," she wrote on Instagram in part alongside photos from Asher's life. "I will never understand why, nothing makes sense, I'm still in shock, I just want to wake up from this unimaginable nightmare and have you back in my arms. Why is this happening to us, why Asher?? You did not deserve any of this."
She added, "I can't even put into words how loved you are. I can't stop seeing your big smile everywhere I go, I hear your laugh and babbles all day and it just breaks my heart you're physically not here."